Here Comes The Feeling Of Being Inadequate
So, you know... Sometimes, you just don't feel good about yourself.
I'm in one of those slumps. I've been dancing around the ditch, so to speak; sliding in and crawling my way out.
I just don't feel like I'm good at much. Exceptional at nothing. Embarrassingly quick to frustration. Depressingly quick to anger. Watching any success I've managed to gather slosh and spill out of the plastic trophy cup and down my shirt.
Here are some things I've noticed about these times...
During these slumps, my desire to eat goes up, my desire to exercise and my enjoyment of exercise goes down, my desire to sleep goes up, my desire to do anything productive goes down, my enjoyment of the beings around me goes down, my desire to be insular goes up, I'm more sensitive, more distrusting, much quicker to snap at others, I have little patience for listening to the problems, thoughts, and desires of those around me, I feel a stronger pull to spend money.
I feel I have trouble knowing when I need to "just hold myself accountable and try harder" versus "be gentle on myself" or "get help." I've fooled myself before, so I tend to default to "trying harder" which sometimes just works out to beating myself up.
So, what do you do? What should I do?
Once I get out of the self-pity stage, I suppose I'll try to just fake it until I feel better. Not fake being happy. That does no good. But, I think I'll try my best to do the things self-confident, happy Lexie does: eat healthy food, take deep breaths, exercise because it's good and will eventually feel good again, do something I'll be proud of.
Will it work? I don't know. But, right now, I'm focused on not being angry my cat keeps pushing the door wide open when he comes in from sitting on the porch.
So, that's a start. Trying is a start.